Monday Night at

Wednesday, 30 May 2007
by elias
filed under Lunch Table
Comments: 24

I think it has been raining in London everyday since I moved here a few weeks ago. Last Monday was no exception, so instead of checking out the beach at Brighton I decided to spend a fun day at work. Monday was also a bank holiday, and at around midnight I was the only one in the office. It was wonderfully quiet and peaceful. My thoughts had deeply sunken into the advantages and disadvantages of different procedures to evaluate computational models of similarity.

At we have an IRC channel that we use for internal communications. Everyone logs in wherever they are as long as they have Internet access. Here are some excerpts from our IRC channel from Monday around midnight: (maybe I should add that the line starting with “pub” contains a list of special technical terms that help attract the attention of my colleagues)

<Elias> i think someone just tried to kick the office door open :-/
<Elias> pub beer porn
<Elias> ...
<Russ> inner one or outer one?
<Elias> I'm inside
<Elias> there was a hell of a noise at the door
<Elias> i went there, saw that part of the door closing system has come off, and there seems to be a hughe crack in the upper part, I'm not sure if that has been there before
<Russ> I don't remember any huge cracks before
<Elias> I guess I should have a look outside? ... are there any weapons around? :-)
<Russ> this is the white one, not the black one right?
<Elias> yes
<Muz> :/
<Russ> there's an electric drill and a pocket knife by my desk

(I’ll skip the advice they gave me on building a fighting robot.)

<Elias> what's the number of the police?
<Elias> i guess i could give them a call and just ask what they recommend?
<Muz> google?
<Russ> you can report crimes online! genius!
<Elias> i tried, but it wasnt the first hit :-)
<Russ> Elias: is the web site
<julian> what's the emergency number in the uk, btw?
<Muz> 999
<Russ> julian: it's 999, heh
<julian> good to know :D
<Russ> 112 also works, I think. Definitely works from mobiles
<Muz> 08 too iirc
<Russ> naaah
<Russ> don't be silly
<Muz> oh?
<Russ> that's french
<Muz> I thought it redirects
<Elias> I'll give them a call and see what they say…
<Russ> Muz: 0845 numbers don't make any sense
<Russ> if that's the case
<Muz> Ahhh, good point
<Elias> duh. 999 doesnt work
<Elias> i get a wrong number signal
<julian> haha
<Russ> wtf
<Muz> lol

I finally got through to the police, they said they’ll send someone over, and then they called back to double-check on the address, and then they called a second time…

<Elias> the police just told me that it was police who did that
<HawkeV> 0-0
<HawkeV> wtf
<Russ> could you ask for it in writing?
<HawkeV> the police broke our door?
<Russ> no
<Elias> she said they had a call earlier saying that someone had collapsed behind the door?!!?
<HawkeV> um…
<HawkeV> so they kicked it once
<HawkeV> then left?
<Russ> the HACKNEY police ∗failed∗ to kick down our door.
<Elias> so they tried to kick the door open and then decided to go away again.
<HawkeV> wtf
<Elias> ??
<Russ> HawkeV: it's fairly sturdy
∗ erikf_ has joined
<Elias> i just heard somethihng again…

I went outside to talk to the officers, but there was no one there.

The next day I had a chat with the police. They explained that there was some confusion. There is a building with the same name not too far away. At this other building a lady had collapsed in her flat and her doctor (standing outside the door) had called the police for help to open the door. The police had never been at our office.

Just in case the robbers read this…

Be warned: we are prepared and we got brutal death metal music!!!

If you try this again you’ll be begging for mercy when our speakers blast out the songs by the artist most frequently tagged with BDM!

(And we also got an improved security system now.)


  1. closedmouth
    30 May, 15:18

    Hahaha, awesome

    closedmouth – 30 May, 15:18
  2. DG
    31 May, 09:01

    My brother-in-law had almost the same thing happen to his house – At midnight, his wife was woken up and heard a load of policemen outside the house. Apparently they’d knocked on the door once, and then as there was no immediate answer, got ready to break it down. Thankfully, he’s a policeman, and a colleague recognised the address at the last minute… so the door remains intact.

    Needless to say they had the wrong address too. (s/Close/Avenue).

    I think the police (and killer robots) need hand held TomToms

    DG – 31 May, 09:01
  3. Alastair
    31 May, 09:24

    Are they going to pay to fix your door?

    Alastair – 31 May, 09:24
  4. elias
    31 May, 10:40

    DG and Alastair, it wasn’t the police. When I called the police at night, they had thought it was them because they had been at a similar address the same night. But when I talked to them the next day they realized that they had never been at the address. It really was robbers who had tried to break the door open :-/

    elias – 31 May, 10:40
  5. Pffft
    31 May, 13:25

    “When I called the police, they had thought it was them because they had been at a similar address the same night. But when I talked to them the next day they realized that they had never been at the address.”

    If they were confused about which address they were at the night before, they could be confused about the address the day after! And denying it avoids the paperwork and compensation…

    Pffft – 31 May, 13:25
  6. elias
    31 May, 13:36

    Pffft: that was my first thought, too! I thought they just didn’t want to pay for the damaged door! (It’s actually more paperwork to file it as an attempted robbery.) But they explained that the police would knock before trying to break a door open, and they wouldn’t just leave after a single failed attempt. The officer also told me that they surely would have been able to open the door if they really wanted, too. (I’m not so sure about that tough.) He also said they wouldn’t have disappeared after hearing someone behind the door.

    elias – 31 May, 13:36
  7. TheDragon
    1 June, 18:38

    Absolutely hilarious. Not to poke fun at your misfortune or anything, but the IRC logs add to the humor factor.

    TheDragon – 1 June, 18:38
  8. AdriaNnLA
    1 June, 22:22

    reads like a modern day Python skit – too funny!

    Had a similar incident at one of my client’s offices late one peaceful night not that long ago.

    This was after an underground (literally) club had opened next door.

    Apparently this miscreant had been booted from the club, was a bit knockered and decided he’d found a back entry.

    Only it was our door, and not the club’s.

    After running at the door several times, putting his shoulder on it or kicking it each time; he finally hauled off and punched glass.

    Hard as he could.

    His mistake.

    It’s old-skool, double-pane, chicken wire between the panes.

    That must have sobered him up a bit, as the last I saw of him was right after; as he staggered round the corner glancing at his hamburger fist!

    AdriaNnLA – 1 June, 22:22
  9. Barb / b1ackroses
    2 June, 10:00

    That’s hilarious. I want to work with you guys. :P

    Something sort of similar actually happened at my house once. A couple years ago, someone tried to knock down our door (he was drunk and thought he was at home or something…). We called the police while he was still in the process of breaking the thing down, and they put us on hold. Great.

    You’d better start building that robot.

    Barb / b1ackroses – 2 June, 10:00
  10. musicmn3
    2 June, 23:16

    it is good dudes:)

    musicmn3 – 2 June, 23:16
  11. Matt M.
    3 June, 03:18

    effin’ hilarious. and great idea using irc as in-office communication.

    Matt M. – 3 June, 03:18
  12. Kenneth P.
    3 June, 04:08

    Hehehe, “ HawkeV: it’s fairly sturdy”, that IS Monty Python.. :)

    Kenneth P. – 3 June, 04:08
  13. Ramkumar
    3 June, 14:38

    Ok, I want to work at! ;)

    IRC is a great idea indeed. And go Brutal Death Metal Music! Hehe.

    Ramkumar – 3 June, 14:38
  14. Juggala
    3 June, 15:50

    I had a good laugh reading this :)
    If I weren’t in school anymore I’d apply for the webdesign job because the atmosphere there seems great! ...but I still have a year to go in school :).

    Juggala – 3 June, 15:50
  15. ronni
    3 June, 16:43

    did you get them to fix your door?

    ronni – 3 June, 16:43
  16. Aled
    5 June, 22:45

    haha sounds like you have a right laugh there at the offices, a private IRC for the team hey…(so did the office watch-moose mentioned in the footer fall asleep or something?)

    Aled – 5 June, 22:45
  17. Johnny-mnemonic
    7 June, 09:56

    > Be warned: we are prepared and we got
    > brutal death metal music!!!

    > If you try this again you’ll be begging for
    > mercy when our speakers blast out the songs
    > by the artist most frequently tagged with
    > BDM!

    ... which is … PARIS HILTON ... haha … don’t worry anymore about your security!

    Johnny-mnemonic – 7 June, 09:56
  18. SiD3WiNDR
    9 June, 11:06

    Everyone knows the new emergency number is not 999 but 0118 999 88199 9119 725 … 3 !

    SiD3WiNDR – 9 June, 11:06
  19. Allan
    9 June, 11:16

    I agree… they’ll never be broken into if they start blasting paris… I don’t think anyone would go near the offices then though :p

    Allan – 9 June, 11:16
  20. K
    11 June, 21:43

    You couldn’t make this up! I’m gonna relay this story as an example of emergency response in the modern world…

    Elias: i guess i could give them a call and just ask what they recommend?
    Muz: google?
    Russ: you can report crimes online! genius!
    Elias: i tried, but it wasnt the first hit :-)

    “Google?” Too funny. Elias, glad you’re safe. You’re calm in a potential crisis, annoyingly so. It sounds like someone had a go at your door as they thought your place was empty. Take care.

    K – 11 June, 21:43
  21. Flamsmark
    13 June, 18:07

    Won’t the office watch-moose protect you in case of an emergency?

    Flamsmark – 13 June, 18:07
  22. Kerdic
    15 June, 08:32

    sorry for asking….but on which server is registered channel:))

    try to join on undernet..nobody was there:D

    Kerdic – 15 June, 08:32
  23. Joe Wilson
    20 June, 00:14

    I know if it was me, i would’nt attempt it again, I know the damage death metal can do to ones brain…

    Joe Wilson – 20 June, 00:14
  24. Trancinha
    5 July, 13:29

    Haha, funny story =]

    Trancinha – 5 July, 13:29

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